


Life Is A Movie and You're The Best Part

by CyborgSamurai



Series: The Dork and The Asshole [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, How Do I Tag, Useless Lesbians
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-08-06 05:37:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16382411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CyborgSamurai/pseuds/CyborgSamurai
Summary: “Will you go on a date with me?”Clarke’s smile dropped, and her face took on a more serious expression. She closed her eyes and sighed. When she opened them, she saw Lexa’s smile slowly falling.“Lexa…”“Oh.” Her eyes showed nothing but hurt just for a second before her perfectly practiced stoic mask was in its place. Clarke hated that Lexa sometimes still chose to resort back to using that method on her.OrThe one where Lexa asks Clarke out and Clarke... rejects her? Don't worry, it's definitely Clexa endgame.





	Life Is A Movie and You're The Best Part

**Author's Note:**

> This is based off of a Clexa story that I read a while back on this website. Sorry that I don’t remember the name of the story or the author, but credit goes to them. I think the story was that Lexa asked out Clarke but she rejected her only to get jealous about a year later when Lexa moved on or something like that. When I read it, it wasn’t complete. If you know what I’m talking about, please leave it in the comments so I can give proper credit to the original writer who had the idea. Thank you.
> 
> Now that that’s all over, let’s get on with it :)

The doorbell rang, and Clarke grinned knowing exactly who it was. It was 5:30 on the dot and Lexa was nothing if not punctual. Seriously, the girl was never late. She and Clarke had decided to meet up at this time to get in a bit of studying for their upcoming test on Monday morning. Sure, it was Friday, but they planned to have a small get together with their friends followed by an extended girls only sleep over from today until Sunday night. “They” also included Raven, Octavia, Bellamy, Jasper, Monty, Harper, Lincoln and Luna. More likely than not Lexa, Raven, and Octavia would all stay over until Monday morning and just catch a ride with Clarke. At least, that’s how it usually went.

Clarke raced down the stairs. She was freaking excited to see Lexa outside of school for the first time in nearly three weeks. With everything going on from Lexa’s activities and her own to the piles and piles of school work, their schedules hadn’t allowed it. They decided enough was enough and set aside this weekend for a much needed get together. God, Clarke missed her best friend. Even though Lexa was typically an asshole (towards others of course) with somewhat womanizing ways, she really, really missed her.

She flung the door open with a bright smile on her face. There Lexa stood with her car keys in one hand and her backpack in the other. She wore a matching, genuine smile, which was rare for anyone but Clarke. And occasionally Luna.

“Lex!” Clarke all but threw her body into the other girls’, who simply let out a hearty laugh in response.

“Clarke,” she breathed from her spot in the full body bear hug. Then she smirked. “Missed me?”

Clarke playfully smacked her on the shoulder. “Don’t be so smug, asshole.” She just laughed again.

“Asshole? Well I guess I should just call and cancel that order of pizza that’s on the way then, huh? Assholes don’t order pizza for their pretty friends.” Clarke let out an overly dramatic gasp and held a hand to her chest.

“You wouldn’t.”

Lexa rolled her eyes. Why is her best friend such a dork?

“You’re such a dork, you know that,” she sighed, equally as dramatic as Clarke. “Are you going to let me in or what?”

Clarke pretended to ponder it for a few seconds. “It depends… is that pizza still on the way?”

“Did you see me make a call?”

The response was a grin and a widened door, allowing entry.

“Finally,” she said. “I thought my legs would give out with the amount of time you had me standing out there.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “The captain of the soccer team has amazing stamina.”

“You’re damn straight.”

“I’m bi, Lexa.”

“Not again with that lame joke. Seriously, let that die,” she pleaded. They laughed again as they made their way to the living room and began unpacking their history stuff.

“How long until the delinquents arrive?”

“I told them to come at seven.”

“Ah.. so about eight then.”

“Exactly.” They shared a laughed and simply smiled at each other. Her smile seemed to be permanent when she was around Lexa. That was something she definitely missed, the feeling of just being able to completely be herself in a judge free environment. Everything was so peaceful and just… chill. That’s the vibe that Lexa gave off once you got past her stoic and sometimes down right cold exterior.

Ten minutes later, the doorbell rang once more, announcing the arrival of the pizza. As Clarke went to the door with her wallet in hand, she completely missed the amused gaze from the other girl. She was too focused on filling the hunger void in her empty stomach. She nearly tore the door off its hinges in her haste to open it and appeal to her starving belly. 

“How much do I owe you?”

The recently revealed person from the other side of the door was of average height, but not necessarily built, not by a long shot. He was a skinny athletic type. His nametag read Artigas, and Artigas had a cute face, but it had a look of confusion on it. He stared at her for a few seconds waiting for her to say “just kidding” before he realized she was completely serious. He then noticed the girl inside watching the encounter take place with a grin on her face and love in her eyes. He smiled at that. _‘How cute, Lexa bought her food’_

“It’s all paid for, ma’am, as well as a generous tip.”

She smiled and took it from him with a grateful smile. She uttered a quick thank you before closing the door. She swiftly turned on her heel and mock glared at her friend.

“It was my turn to pay.”

Lexa smiled “innocently”.

“Oh? It must have slipped my mind.” They both knew that she was full of shit, and Lexa just loved to pay for her and almost always refused to let her pay. The blonde huffed before chuckling.

“Thank you, asshole.”

“Never a problem, dork.”

Somewhere two streets over, the pizza delivery dude’s mind was still thinking about it. They probably would never recognize him, seeing as they were two of the most popular girls in school, Lexa being the captain of the soccer team, and Clarke being known for painting really cool murals all over the school. Most people either thought that they should be together or that they were already together and just terribly hiding it. ‘ _Ah, young love,_ ’ he thought, though he was a sophomore, a grade under them.

Back in the Griffin household, the two girls went to the kitchen to eat and talk for a bit before going back to study. When Clarke opened the box, she smiled a huge smile. Lexa had gotten her favorite. Half cheese, half sausage with double stuffed crust. She gently pecked her cheek in thanks completely missing the way she blushed ferociously in response. There were also bread sticks and two packs of garlic sauce. Did she mention how much she missed her best friend?

Clarke left the box on the counter and went to the refrigerator to get them both drinks. A second later, she tossed a bottle of water to Lexa, who nodded her head in thanks, and held a jug of orange juice for herself. She walked a couple of steps to the left and reached up into the cupboard for a cup, but just barely missed it. Damn it, why did her mom have to push them so far back? She sensed a presence behind her before she felt it. Lexa’s warm body pressed into hers, sending her heart into a frenzy. Next, she saw a hand reach up to gently take the cup down.

“Thanks, Lex.”

The other girl hummed her reply. They walked back over to the counter where the food was currently chilling at. Lexa took a glance around the living room for the first time since she arrived, appearing to be in thought.

“Where’s your mom, dork?”

“Out of town for a consult.”

“Oh… Hey, wasn’t that pizza delivery dude from our school?”

“Yeah, Artigas. He’s on the track team with O, I believe,” the blonde responded, not at all thrown off by the randomness. She’s gotten a chance to get used to it over the past few years.

“I knew he looked familiar.”

While they ate, they caught up on each other’s lives even though there was nothing new considering how if they weren’t together in person, they were always texting or on facetime. It didn’t matter though. They still never ran out of things to talk about. Clarke did however learn that Lexa had started to take her boxing classes more seriously. Since, Lexa’s older cousin, Anya, had owned the gym, Lexa and Aden, Lexa’s younger brother, got classes for free. She didn’t take them serious at first, but then one day someone (she refused to tell her who exactly) put her flat on her back in less than a minute, completely embarrassing her. At that reluctant admittance, Clarke giggled. Of course that would be the reason she started taking something seriously.

After they finished eating, they went back to the living room. Oh right, Clarke almost forgot. Studying history, her least favorite subject. Fun stuff. The smile still didn’t slip her face as they made their transition.

An hour later that smile she was previously sporting had long disappeared. Damn, she hated history with a fiery, burning passion. It was the only class she had a B in, and it was ruining her chances of winning her precious bet with Raven that she’d have straight A’s by the end of the semester. So not only would she have all A’s and a single annoying B, but she would also be out of fifty bucks. Whose stupid idea was it to make that bet anyway? (It was most definitely her stupid idea by the way.) She let out a huff of frustration.

“Can’t we be done with this already,” Clarke whined. To her dismay, Lexa barely even spared a glance in her direction, though she was surprised that it took this long for Clarke to break and say something.

“No, Clarke, we have like thirty more minutes.”

“Why did I agree to study with you?”

“You practically begged _me_ to study with _you_.”

“Semantics,” she muttered under her breath.

“And,” Lexa continued with a smirk. “you said that you need someone with amazing work ethic and a sexy face.”

“You’re so full of yourself,” she laughed. “I never said the sexy thing.”

“It is true, though. I look like a damn model or something.”

Clarke rolled her eyes for what seemed like the billionth time but decided not to comment. There was no point in denying it since it held some truth to it so whatever. Fifteen more minutes of random history questions and facts later, Lexa decided to take mercy on the struggling girl and closed her book.

“I suppose we can stop here. I’m pretty sure we both got it down packed now.”

Before her sentence even had a chance to be completely uttered, Clarke had already finished packing her belongings up. A huge sigh of relief and a sloppily packed history binder later, which was only about three seconds later, Clarke stood up and offered her hand so she could help Lexa up. She was eager to go for round two on the pizza.

Lexa seemed to have other ideas though, as she pulled Clarke back down with a small, shy smile.

“Clarke...?”

“Yeah?” She was confused. She rarely ever saw the shy side of her friend. Her friend was usually confident in everything she did, whether it was answering a question in class or the way she moved down the field with the ball between her feet. She was borderline cocky, but right now, she was struggling to even look her in the eyes.

“There’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you.”

“You know you can ask me anything, Lex,” she said softly. She tried to convey comfort by rubbing circles on the back of their still clasped hands. Lexa took a deep breath before finally looking Clarke dead in her eyes. In her beautiful blue eyes. Clarke guessed that she did something right because now Lexa was smiling at her which caused her to smile in return.

“Will you go on a date with me?”

Clarke’s smile dropped, and her face took on a more serious expression. She closed her eyes and sighed. When she opened them, she saw Lexa’s smile slowly falling.

“Lexa…”

“Oh.” Her eyes showed nothing but hurt just for a second before her perfectly practiced stoic mask was in its place. Clarke hated that Lexa sometimes still chose to resort back to using that method on her.

“Lex-“

“It’s fine, Clarke, really.” Lexa’s smile was the most forced thing she had seen in a while. In fact, it looked so forced that it seemed kind of painful. Clarke sighed again. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to get through to her tonight and that she needed some space. She’d be damned if she didn’t at least try though. It couldn’t hurt to try.

“Lexa, I-...”

She was once again cut off by Lexa, who stood up abruptly and was avoiding now looking in her general direction. The hand that was rubbing soothing circles on the back of the other girl’s hand now felt cold.

“I apologize. I think it would be best for me to leave,” she quickly mumbled out, grabbing all of her things and roughly shoving them in her backpack. Her keys were snatched off the table a second later, but not by her.

“Look at me…”

After Lexa reluctantly met her gaze, her features cautiously blank, Clarke spoke again.

“Lexa, you’re my best friend.”

At that, Lexa grimaced. Okay, so maybe she shouldn’t have started with that.

“Yeah, I know, Clarke,” she said with a sad smile. “It was stupid of me to ask you that. Just forget it, please.”

“No, that isn’t what I m-“

They were both cut off by approaching footsteps from somewhere in the distance. They whipped their heads around to find Bellamy, Raven, Luna, Octavia and Lincoln walking up. Looks like Clarke forgot to lock the front door in her excitement to spend the evening with Lexa. Whoops. Oh well, it certainly was not the first time it happened, and it most likely would not be the last time either.

 Lexa used the distraction to steal her keys back from Clarke. Dang it, she didn’t even get to try to fix this mess. Welp. There goes girls’ night, especially since she no longer had her keys as leverage. There’s no way Lexa would stay now with the extra audience so she could go ahead and kiss that dream goodbye. Everyone exchanged pleasantries and hugs as Clarke mentally cursed. The one time she was hoping they would be, no needed them to be, late, they show up on time. What. The. F-…

“I’m going to head out, but it was nice seeing you guys,” she tuned in and heard Lexa say.

The room was engulfed in many displeased ‘no’s’ and ‘why’s’. Lexa didn’t bother making up a good excuse. She looked Clarke dead in the eyes before muttering a rushed “I suddenly feel sick” and took off. Luna and Lincoln exchanged a look at the strange behavior of their childhood friend. The siblings knew for a fact that she was excited about this weekend because she wouldn’t shut up about it. Now she suddenly had to leave? And she didn’t look even a little bit reluctant to go? No, it was as if she couldn’t leave fast enough.

They hadn’t missed how Lexa made it a point to look at Clarke so they both looked over at Clarke and noticed her crestfallen expression. They both had a feeling that something had happened between the two just before everyone showed up.

“What was that, Griffin? Get in a fight with your girlfriend?”

“Fuck off, Raven,” she growled. Her tone clearly showed that she wasn’t in the mood. Raven’s eyebrows shot up in shock. Everyone had matching looks of surprise as well. When she spoke again her voice was dangerously low. “Just leave it alone.”

Usually when any of her friends made girlfriend comments like that, she’d just roll her eyes and playfully tell them to shut up. This time, however, it struck a nerve. Bellamy heroically stepped in and swiftly changed the subject.

“I’m so glad it’s Friday. Classes have been kicking my ass all this week.”

“Yeah it’s like all the teachers conspired together and decided to give tests the same week just to further ruin our lives.”

“And our GPA’s”

As the conversation continued on, Lincoln and Luna once again exchanged worried looks. Yup, something had definitely happened.

 But what was it?

An hour later, everyone had shown up. As expected, Jasper and Monty came together, but with a guest, which was not so expected. Apparently Jasper had a new girlfriend and invited her without telling anyone, much to Monty’s annoyance. He had to put up with their miserable attempts to flirt the entire trip to Clarke’s, and that was something he was not looking forward to on the way back. Harper had gotten dropped off not too long afterwards, a bit annoyed that she couldn’t catch a ride with her boyfriend. The only person missing was-…

She really didn’t want to think about that. She took another hit of the heavily stuffed blunt to clear her mind and relax. The blunt wasn’t hitting her fast enough. She felt like it was taking too long, though, in reality, she had just gotten the blunt from rotation.

Two hours later, Clarke was high as hell. To her dissatisfaction, she still kept thinking of Lexa. She felt terrible for hurting her like that. It isn’t like she hadn’t thought about it because she did. She thought about it multiple times. In fact, Lexa’s very well-defined abs and sharp jawline had been a reoccurring dream of hers for a while. She just wasn’t ready for a relationship right now. She didn’t have time to devote her time to another person, and to be honest, she was lowkey scared to. After she found out that her previous boyfriend and had also been dating one of her closest friends, it kind of made her wanna be done with relationships for a while.

But that was a year ago. Had enough time passed? Was she ready? God, at times like these, she needed her best friend. Lexa always had some good advice. She was the easiest person in the world to talk to about literally anything. Well clearly not the feelings thing.

God, she needed another hit. She obviously wasn’t high enough if she was still thinking about it.

She looked around the room and noticed that, while everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, there was an underlying tension. It felt like everybody was being extra careful to not mention a certain someone or anything relating to her. Which was kind of difficult seeing as how all of their lives were intertwined in one way or another. Clarke realized that she was the cause of the tension, so she decided to at least try and fix it. Well not fix it. More like skirt around it and pretend everything was fine.

She started listening and actually put forth effort to her friends’ conversations.

“-and that’s why if I ever needed a backup plan from engineering, video gaming is my choice. I’m simply too good to let my talents go to waste,” she tuned in to hear Raven say. She rolled her eyes.

“Lexa beats you every time you guys play Mario Kart, Reyes.”

All eyes turned to her for a moment, no doubt feeling shocked that she had spoken up without being directly asked for the first time tonight. A few beats and they were still staring. She was honestly starting to feel a little uncomfortable.

“Just saying,” she mumbled averting her gaze back to her lap.

“Well,” Luna said, causing her to lift her eyes again as the attention switched to her. “She does make an excellent point. Raven, you should probably start looking for a better back up.”

“Whatever not like I’ll need it anyway.”

“A woman with ambition,” Luna licked her lips and flashed a flirty smile. “I like it.” She winked, and Raven smirked back with raised eyebrows. She opened her mouth getting ready to respond but was beat to the punch by Lincoln.

“Ew.” He definitely did not want to hear his older sister get her flirt on with one of their friends. It was gross.

“Oh, shut up. If I have to hear you and O dirty talk each other up when you think you’re being all secretive and tremendously failing at trying to whisper, keyword being think, I might literally have to cut my ears off.”

Both Octavia and Lincoln flushed at that. They honest to God thought they were lowkey as fuck.

“It’s still gross,” he grumbled.

“Hush up. Let me have my fun.” In all honesty, neither girl was seriously interested in the other. Not like that at least, and everyone knew it. They did, however, value each other’s friendship. Because that was all there was between them, friendship. They just liked to flirt from time to time.

“It’s not like anything will happen,” Octavia said to get some of the attention and embarrassment off her boyfriend and herself. She smirked. “Not with Rae still pining over Anya.”

Anya was Lexa’s older sister who owned the local boxing gym down the street called Grounders. Raven admired the strength and motivation that she carried. After the death of her parents at age fourteen, she and her baby sister went to foster care. When she was old enough, she got kicked out. Her younger sister had eventually got adopted because little Aden was attached to her. The only family she had left had a new family, and it sucked. Lexa’s brand-new family was rich and nice. Anya was the opposite, struggling and guarded. She wouldn’t fit in there. (She later found out that she was welcome with open arms and assured by Lexa that nobody could ever take the place of her big sister or her dear mother.) Life in the system did nothing to hinder her many accomplishments. She got back on her feet with very little help and made something of herself. She was successful and the right blend of hard ass and loving. She was simply a strong, independent woman who looked out for those she cared about. And man, did Raven like that.

So yeah. Ever since Lexa got drunk and told that story, Raven had been crushing.

She sputtered, eyes wide. “I-I am not pining over Anya!” Everyone laughed at that. Sure, Reyes. Sure. “Stop laughing, damn it! I got dirt on all of you assholes!” That only made everybody laugh harder. She was just too easy.

“Monty is pining over Harper!” Jasper said, a little too cross faded from a combination of the weed and the liquor he supplied himself with. Maya, the girlfriend, gently patted his head. “Shhh, Jas.”

Harper pecked Monty on the cheek, not at all surprised that he was blushing despite the fact that they were already dating.

“Aww,” Bellamy deadpanned. “How cute.”

“He’s just jealous that Echo isn’t here,” Octavia said.

“We’re just chilling together, don’t make it a big deal until it actually is,” he said rolling his eyes, fighting down his own blush at the mention of the girl he had been seeing lately. “Purely casual.”

The conversation went on, and Clarke was having fun at first. She honestly was. The only issue was that her mind kept wandering back to she who was not present. She soon became detached from conversation again, only responding every now and then with halfhearted chuckles and short answers. She didn’t mean to be such a Debbie Downer, seriously. It’s just… it’s Lexa.

Time ticked on, and before they knew it, with Griffin being in her head and everyone else pleasantly conversing with each other, another hour had passed.

Nights like these usually lasted well into the morning; however, the hostess was clearly not up to socializing. No matter how hard she tried to look ecstatic to be spending time with her friends, her heart wasn’t in it. Her mind was still on Lexa and everybody knew it. Whatever happened between the two girls before everyone else arrived was obviously serious seeing as Lexa had to leave and Clarke was seemingly depressed. Well depressed is a strong word, but it was fitting in regard to the situation.

Around thirty minutes after eleven o’clock, everybody decided to call it a night with promises to do it again (hopefully after Clarke and Lexa made up was the unspoken agreement) soon. Octavia and Raven decided to continue with their plans to stay the night just so Clarke wouldn’t be alone.

“O, I’m picking you up tomorrow. Not Linc, me,” Bellamy said with a “serious” look. She rolled her eyes with a smile, knowing he was only teasing.

“Don’t bother.”

People said their goodbyes and left. Now it was only Lincoln, Luna, Octavia, Raven, and, of course, Clarke.

Octavia went to walk Lincoln (and Luna by extension) to the car. Luna quickly got in the driver’s seat, not wanting to subject her ears to having to listen to the two of them do and say whatever it as boyfriends and girlfriends do and say. He was her little brother for crying out loud. They stood there for a second before Octavia broke the silence.

“Is Lexa going to be okay?” She asked it so softly that his ears barely registered it. He sighed.

“I don’t know. I was texting her and she was being so distant. I know that’s just her walls talking, but the last time she was that upset was...”

“Costia?”

“... Yes.” Lincoln rubbed his eyes. “I don’t want her to go back to being an asshole, shutting everybody out.”

“Me either. You better not tell her either, but I used to be kind of scared of her. Just a little bit.”

Lincoln let out a loud laugh. “She wouldn’t physically hurt anybody unless she was defending herself.”

“Hey! I know that now!”

They laughed together before they sobered up, and their expressions took on a more serious tone. He wrapped his arm around his girlfriend, and they just basked in the feeling of being in each other’s arms.

“I love you, O”

She beamed. She would never get tired of hearing him say that. “I know. I love you too, Linc, so so much.”

They hugged for a few more minutes until Luna honked the horn, effectively scaring the crap out of them.

“Sorry to interrupt, but I need to check on Lex. Aden texted me and he’s worried.” She didn’t sound sorry at all.

Lincoln looked apologetically at Octavia. She just laughed and kissed him softly.

“Go.”

He kissed her again, making Luna roll her eyes and mutter something about “damn lovebirds”. He hopped in the passenger’s side with promises to keep her updated on Lexa in exchange for updates on Clarke.

Lincoln and Luna sped down the street. Octavia was sure they broke a couple of laws getting out of the neighborhood so quickly. She sighed before turning to go in the house. She was getting some damn answers.

When she got back inside, Raven and Clarke were sitting on the couch with a random movie playing on the screen. Neither girl looked interested. Octavia decided to join in.

Two movies later, she was still thinking up a gentle way to approach the subject of Lexa.

She didn’t have to wait long because apparently Raven’s blunt ass got impatient. She came right out and asked. Well, perhaps that was the right way to go... no need to sugarcoat things around your best friends, right?

“Okay, Griff, what the hell is going on?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“That’s okay.” Lincoln always old her, the best way to get someone to open up is not to push. Just a little something he learned after years of being Lexa’s friend. Geesh, see? Everyone is intertwined. It’s a challenge to exclude any one person from group conversations. Hell, thoughts too apparently.

“Uhm no, no it’s not. It’s clearly eating you up and you need to talk. Spill.”

“Raven I really don’t th-...”

“Lexa asked me out.”

“I-I’m sorry what?”

“I said-...”

“No I heard you. I’m just... are we not happy about that?”

“Yeah, Lexa’s great.” At Clarke’s blank stare, Octavia confusedly rerouted her statement. “...or not, okay. Clarke what’s going on?”

“... nothing, I’m going to bed,” she mumbled out. She stood up and walked the steps to her room leaving a confused Octavia and Raven downstairs on the couch.

“Rae, am I crazy? Because I could have sworn just the other day we couldn’t get Clarke to shut up about Lexa this, Lexa that.”

“No, no, you are crazy, O, but there’s definitely a strong attraction there... i just don’t know why Griff doesn’t want a piece of that.”

“Raven, gross, Lexa’s like our bro or something.”

“I still have eyes and... you’re hot too,” she shrugged. “C’mon, let’s go check on Griff.”

And upstairs they went. When they got in the room, Clarke’s back was turned towards the door, facing the wall. She was snuggling her pillow in a death grip. A few steps closer came with the realization that she was crying, judging by the sniffling. They stood awkwardly in the doorway. They didn’t really know how to approach the situation. Suddenly, she turned, and she had silent tears burning away down her cheeks.

“Griff...”

Hearing her friend utter her name like that broke the dam. Suddenly she was sobbing like a maniac, and she absolutely hated it, which only made her cry harder.

Octavia and Raven exchanged looks before climbing into bed with her. Raven sat by her feet and pulled them into her lap, running soothing circles on her legs while Octavia gathered her up in her arms to comfort her. Clarke’s head found its place in on her chest.

“Clarke,” Octavia whispered. She hated seeing those close to her in such pain.

“I messed up,” she stuttered through her tears. “She asked me, and I just looked at her like she was stupid. God, the look on her face. I-I just...” she trailed off as another sob tore through her throat. God, she had just ruined her relationship with her closest friend. What if they never talked again? Just the thought of it had Clarke feeling sick to her stomach.

She took a minute to calm herself. She knew that nobody could understand her blubbering like a baby.

“I just don’t know about going out with her.”

“Why? Griff, I hate to break it to you, but you’ve been crushing on that girl for fucking ever.”

“I know, but ... it was different when it was just a little thing that had zero chance of happening. But she asked me. This makes it real. I can’t do this, not with her she’s too damn important to me. And if this doesn’t work out? I won’t just be losing my girlfriend, I’ll be losing my best friend too. I can’t do it.”

“Clarke... who says it won’t work out? Even if it doesn’t, Lexa isn’t going anywhere, Clarke, because that weirdo would do anything for you.”

“Yeah, Clarke, and you’ve got to remember. Lexa isn’t Finn.” Tears welled up in her eyes again, but she refused to let them fall. Of course, they would know what’s really eating her, making her so damn hesitant. “What he did to us was fucked up and it hurt the shit out of our hearts, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t let other people hold our hearts.”

Clarke’s expression took on one of contemplation. She sighed. “I don’t know, guys... I just-...” She cut herself off with a harsh sigh. “Fuck.” She closed her eyes. She rolled back over until she was facing the wall again.

Raven and Octavia knew that meant the conversation was over. They exchanged a look.

“At least talk to her, Clarke.”

“I know,” she whispered. “I will.”

After a few moments of silence, Octavia decided to send her boyfriend a quick text to see how things were going on his end.

**Okteivia**

**hey, babe, how are things going on your end?**

**Delivered at 2:54 AM**

**Linkon**

**we’re at Anya’s gym**

**Delivered at 3:02 AM**

**Okteivia**

**what? why?**

**Delivered at 3:02 AM**

**Linkon**

**it’s Lexa .... she doesn’t do feelings, she fights it out**

**Delivered at 3:04 AM**

**Okteivia**

**have you’ve been there long?**

**Delivered at 3:05 AM**

**Linkon**

**left Clarke’s, picked up Lex, then straight here**

**Delivered at 3:05 AM**

**Okteivia**

**that was like 4 hours ago**

**Delivered at 3:06**

**Linkon**

**Yeah, she is really torn up about it**

**Delivered at 3:11 AM**

Octavia sighed. This whole situation was just a mess. Two of her good friends were in pain and she didn’t like it one bit, but she knew that it was out of her hands. She readjusted herself and leaned back onto the bed until she while fully and comfortably lying on the bed. She closed her eyes and sighed. She could only hope for the best now. Her phone vibrated in her hand again, and she looked at it to see what it was.

**Linkon**

**I’m going to get back to Lex now. Call me tomorrow, I love you**

**Delivered at 3:14 AM**

**Okteivia**

**I love you too**

**Delivered at 3:14 AM**

Octavia looked over at Raven and saw that she was already looking at her. Raven put her index finger over her mouth and gestured to the now sleeping Clarke.

“Your big muscly teddy bear?” Raven asked in a teasing yet gentle tone.

“Yeah, he said things are looking so good,” she said quietly.

“What’s going on with her? I tried texting her, but she didn’t reply to me… as expected but still.”

“He said they’re at Anya’s boxing gym.”

“Damn, that bad?”

“I know, I just hope she’s okay.”

“Me too, O. Me too.”

“Let’s get some sleep. Clarke’s going to need us tomorrow.”

“Yeah, good night, O.”

What they didn’t realize was that Clarke was still listening, and that the conversation they had only made her feel worse. They were right though. Clarke was going to need them. She needed to make things right as soon as possible.

Cut scene across town to Anya’s boxing gym entitled “Grounders.”

“Lexa, come on,” Anya said. “You’ve been at it for hours. It’s closing time and I’m taking you back to my apartment.” Lincoln and Luna had left about twenty minutes ago, already passing their two-a.m. curfew by an hour and a half, not wanting to push it. Their mom was only understanding to a certain extent. They really didn’t want to be on her bad side either.

Lexa grunted in response. She couldn’t stop. Stopping would mean not focusing on anything but the empty filling in her chest. She didn’t want to focus on that, so she swung another punch at the punching bag. Her mind couldn’t help but stray, just like had been doing all night.

The way she pitifully said her name when she was rejecting her.

Punch.

The way she got her hopes up just by looking into her stupidly gorgeous eyes.

Another punch.

As if someone like Clarke would ever want to be with someone like her.

Two punches and a kick.

The way sh-…

“Lexa!” Anya snapped, startling her out of her inner self-hatred.

“What?!” she snapped right back, still in perfect stance ready to throw another punch.

“If you punch that thing one more time, I’m going to punch you. Let’s. Go.”

The way she said left no room for discussion, and Lexa knew it. With a heavy sigh she stopped abusing the crap out of the punching bag, retracted back into a normal standing stance, and removed her gloves.

She snatched her water bottle and greedily chugged it down, nearly drowning herself in the process. She finally quenched her thirst after two and a half bottles.

It was only then, when she wasn’t worried about her lack of hydration that she noticed two things. The first thing was how uncomfortable she felt. She realized that this uncomfortableness came from the fact that she sweated through all of her clothes and her body as well as her clothes was covered in a thick layer of sweat. The second thing she noticed was that the bag was leaking from where she punched too hard and wore it out. She looked at Anya sheepishly.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, though there was sincerity in her tone. Anya rolled her eyes. She was lucky she loved her.

“It’s fine, it’s almost time to replace them anyway.”

“I’m just going to go shower really quick then meet you at the car,” she said referring to the private full bathroom that was connected to Anya’s office while reaching for her duffle bag.

“Thank you because you’re in desperate need of a shower.”

“Oh shut up.”

“Seriously, I don’t know if I could have handled the trip home with that stench.”

Lexa playfully shoved her with a light chuckle. “Asshole.” While she was going to the shower, she her Anya faintly yell out “take your time” which caused her to scoff and shake her head. Fifteen minutes later, she was showered and struggling to pull up her tights. Once she got them on, she rushed to tie her shoes and gather her stuff because she knew Anya’s patience only lasted so long.

“Her patience is practically nonexistent,” she muttered to herself.

“Like yours is any better,” a voice said. Lexa was completely caught off guard, so her arms instinctively reached out and she flipped the person on their back, pinning them to the ground with her hand at their throat. What she didn’t expect was to be flipped over less than half a second later, looking up to an impressed yet smug looking Anya.

“Your moves make me so proud. I almost shed a tear,” she said playfully.

“Get off.”

They stood up and brushed themselves off. Anya tossed the keys to her younger sister and went to turn off all the lights as well as double check all the doors were locked. After she properly locked up, she went and got in the driver’s side of her already running car. Lexa left her own car at home.

_Flashback_

_She pulled up in her driveway and parked quickly before storming out the car and into her house. She didn’t even acknowledge her little brother Aden like she usually did. She went straight to her room and didn’t even come out when Indra, her adoptive mother, announced that dinner was ready._

_Next thing she knew, four hours had gone by, and Lincoln and Luna were knocking on her bedroom door. They were no doubt summoned there by Aden out of worry. They asked her if she wanted to talk which, of course, she absolutely did not. They ended up going to the gym._

_End Flashback_

She was forced out of her flashback when the car’s other occupant began speaking to her.

“You wanna talk about what happened or am I going to have to force it out of you?”

“Not now, Anya.”

“I gave you space, Lex, you know it isn’t good to hold your emotions in.”

“Whatever.”

“Do I need to call Clarke?” That got the desired reaction. Well not desired, but any response was good enough for her.

“Don’t. Just leave it. The fuck. Alone.”

“Okay, fine. I’ll let you do your brooding in the car, but we’re talking later.”

“Thanks.”

“And let Indra know you’re spending the night at my apartment.”

With that, the car went back to being silent. It wasn’t uncomfortable though, not even tense. Lexa was just quietly brooding while Anya focused on the road. When they got there, the conversation wasn’t immediately about the elephant in the room, which Lexa was more than grateful for. She was waiting for her to tell her in her own terms, something she loved about Anya.

Anya went to take a shower and change into something more comfortable. Meanwhile, Lexa went to the guest bedroom which was really just hers at this point with the amount of time she spent at the place and flopped on the bed. After she was done freshening up, she went to join Lex. She noticed that the television was on, but no attention was being paid to it. They didn’t speak, they just stared up at the ceiling using the television as background noise.

“I asked her out.”

Anya didn’t say anything. She turned her head in her direction for a few seconds before looking back at the ceiling. There were a few tense seconds of silence before she spoke up again.

“It didn’t go to well,” she chuckled bitterly. “I shouldn’t have done it. I don’t know why I thought I had the slightest chance with her, Anya, and… I think I ruined our friendship.”

At that, Anya spoke up. “Lexa. Don’t make me drag you back to the gym and kick your ass.”

Lexa sat up and hugged a pillow to her chest. “I mean it, Anya,” she mumbled. “Be serious.” Anya rolled her eyes and sat up as well. “Look at me.” When she didn’t turn her gaze, she said it a bit more aggressively.

“ _Leksa._ Look at me.” She didn’t speak again until Lexa reluctantly met her gaze. “Any girl would be lucky to have you. You have so much love in your heart and you’re a good person, Lex. Seriously, and if Clarke can’t see that? Well… I guess that’s her loss.”

There were a few more moments of tense silence.

“Do you think she hates me?”

“No. She could never hate you. Especially not over something like this. And as for your friendship, Lex, it won’t die unless you let it. Now. Do you want your friendship to end?”

“No, of course not. I just,” she sighed. “I guess I need some time. I have to recuperate and get my shit together before I can talk to her comfortably again.”

“And that’s okay,” she said softly. “Take all the time you need, but I know how you guys work. You guys are best friends. Everything will work out in time.”

Lexa said nothing in response, not entirely convinced. She sighed and flopped back down dramatically. Anya did the same, without the theatrics. They were looking at the ceiling again.

No more words were said, and there was a silent acknowledgement that the conversation was over for now. They ended up watching the television for a few episodes.

“Well I’m beat, Lex. I need sleep,” she said sitting up on the bed, facing her once again. She stared at her for a moment before speaking again. “Try not to take it too hard, and don’t let it get you down for too long. Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim (get knocked down, get back up),” Anya said quietly to her as she rose to go to her room. “Just something to think about. Good night, Leksa.” Anya softly padded out of the room, only briefly stopping to grasp Lexa’s shoulder and give it a light squeeze. “Good night, Onya.”

The show went on, but Lexa wasn’t even paying attention to it. Her mind was reeling. She decided to try and get some sleep instead of force herself to watch it. She turned off the lights and laid back down on top of the covers. “Ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim,” she whispered to herself in the darkness of the room. She decided what she was going to do. She would take a few days to herself then talk to Clarke about where they stood and fix things. Simple.

She would later find out how not simple it really was.

Morning came, and Clarke was feeling no better. She had decided that she wanted to talk about it since it made her feel slightly better yesterday. They were all quietly eating cereal, none of them being morning people, when she decided to bring it up.

“Do you guys think I should go for it? With Lexa, I mean.”

“I mean ... I don’t see why not. It’s Lexa.”

“Very insightful, Raven.”

“Look at it this way,” Octavia said, stepping in before the pending argument could even begin. “You two have basically been dating already, just without the kissing and the sex.”

“... actually...”

Both Octavia’s and Raven’s eyes popped out of their heads.

“WHAT?! GRIFF WHY WAS I NOT AWARE OF THIS INFORMATION?!”

“Kidding,” she said with a chuckle. “We only almost kissed once.”

“Details! I demand details!”

“I actually agree with Raven loud ass Reyes over there. Details.”

“It was like a month ago, guys.”

They raised their eyebrows in expectance.

“Fine,” she said rolling her eyes. “We were at her house one day after school. We were watching a stupid squid documentary because she likes that kind of stuff. During it, she started holding me, and when it was over she didn’t move so I looked at her, but... she was already looking at me. We were looking at each other for ages. Then she looked at my lips and leaned in. Seriously, I could feel her breath on my lips. I could practically taste her. Then...”

Clarke trailed off in a dramatic pause, watching as Raven leaned in so far that she nearly fell off the stool she was current occupying. “Aden came home.”

Raven fell over in disbelief, and Octavia cackled like a maniac. “Oh my God! That is so fucking gay!” Raven.

“Absolutely the gayest thing I’ve ever heard!” Octavia.

Clarke threw a napkin at them to cover up her rosy cheeks. “Shut up.”

“I’m going to be serious for a second,” Raven said once she plopped herself on top of the kitchen counter. When her friends looked at her incredulously, she stuck her tongue out.

“Let’s list the pros and cons of dating Lexa.”

“Wow. No second grader could have thought that up.”

“Shut the hell up, O. Griff, you start. Pros?”

“She’s ...” her eyes took on a dreamy expression “Lexa.”

Octavia and Raven locked eyes before they dissolved in a fit of chuckles. “I stand corrected. THAT was the gayest thing I’ve ever heard,” Octavia said between her tears.

The blonde covered her red face with her hands. Did she really just say that out loud? Christ.

“We’ll start again. Griff, you sit this one out,” Raven said still trying to catch her breath. She took a moment to calm herself as she noticed Octavia already doing so. “Let’s be the bad cops and do the cons.”

Octavia smirked. “Sounds like a plan.”

“Con numbero uno,” she started. “Lexa’s a known womanizer.”

“Yup. She used to go through girls faster than Finn.” Both Clarke and Raven glared at Octavia, both being victims of Finn’s cheating. She just shrugged in response. “Just saying.”

“Clarke, sh-...” what Raven was about to say was ‘Clarke, shut us down’ in attempt to get her to realize that she would defend Lexa to her last waking breath. But Clarke was already on it.

“Firstly, she isn’t a player anymore. And besides, it’s not like she ever led anyone on. Her intentions were always clear. The dumb girls just ended up catching feelings, making her feel the need to go elsewhere for some non-emotional attachments,” she said factually.

“That’s a lot of dumb girls,” Octavia muttered. “Next con, Raven?”

“Don’t look at me! That one was the only one I had, your turn, bozo.”

“Uh... damn it, okay.” She drummed her fingers as she pondered it. How the hell was she supposed to know Lexa’s worst qualities? She was usually closed off... oh. That could be one. “Uh... she’s closed off?”

That one had Clarke scoffing. “Not really, not to me.”

“She-...”

Octavia was shut down before she could even get it out.

“Actually, So what? That’s just how she is. And it makes it so much more meaningful to me that she’s willing to talk about her feelings to me because I know it’s something she doesn’t do and I-...”

“Okay, Griff, geesh. We get it, right, O?”

“Yup,” She laughed. “We totally get how bad you have it for her.”

The blonde blushed. “Shut up.”

“I think we just answered your question, Clarke,” Octavia said after a period of comfortable silence. “We tried talking you out of it and we couldn’t even do it. I say you go for it.”

“Yeah, Griff,” Raven added in agreement. “I think the two of you would be good together.”

Clarke was left to her thoughts and they all returned to their food. After breakfast, the “party” was moved to the living room couch. The rest of their Saturday after the talk was completely uneventful. Well not completely uneventful.

_~Flashback~_

_Clarke anxiously rang the doorbell. It only took a couple of minutes before Lexa was opening the door._

_“H-Hey, Lex,” she said nervously. She looked at Clarke and blinked._

_“Nope,” she said before turning around, promptly slamming the door right in the blonde’s face. She was left gaping at the closed door._

_She was never listening to Raven fucking Reyes ever again._

_~End Flashback~_

Other than that awkward mishap, they spent the majority of it watching old movies and snacking on junk food.

The same thing was what they spent the next day doing up until around three in the afternoon.

“Girls, I’m needed at the hospital! Make your own food, I’ll be back late!”

The girls looked at each other and unanimously decided that cooking actual dinner was a no go. They began brainstorming plans to go out for food instead. They all had a taste for different things so the food court at the mall was their best option.

Upon arrival, Octavia immediately left the two of them in the dust as she hurried towards the chipotle line. Raven and Clark decided to get a table before going to stand in line since they both wanted food from the same line.

At the table, Raven noticed that the girl across from her seemed to be in her thoughts a lot more than usual today. She mentally exhaled. She already knew what it was about.

“Griff this is getting ridiculous. Stop with all the creepy staring and just talk to her already.”

“No, she’s being a dick.”

“Oh come on, Griff. We both know that it’s just an act. She’s like... hiding her feelings or something.”

“Yeah but still. She could reply to my texts like a mature person. And not slam doors in faces.”

“Griff ... you just rejected her a couple of days ago. I’d probably be a dick if you showed up at my house like nothing happened too.”

“It was your idea!”

“Yeah well... it wasn’t a good one.”

“Go see her, she said. Showing up will show her you care, she said. Never again will I take your advice.”

“Hey! I already admitted it wasn’t good advice. Chill.”

“Well maybe I should chill. I should just give her some space.”

“Welp. Looks like she’s getting that space with another chica.”

Clarke turned around to see what Raven’s eyes were trained on. What she saw made her clench her jaw so hard it hurt. Lexa was standing in line with some girl chatting it up. The girl was rubbing on Lexa’s toned arms as if Lexa had told the funniest joke on the planet. And Lexa was letting her! After a few more moments of angry staring, Clarke realized that she actually recognized the girl. It was a girl from their school that had been rumored to have been _close_ to Lexa for years.

The worst part of it all? The girl was freaking cute.

_‘How close is close?’_ Clarke couldn’t help but wonder. She knew that Lexa had an entirely different friend group outside of theirs, but she never really thought much of it. Not until recently.

“What are we looking at?” Octavia said as she walked up with her chipotle bag in one hand, drink in the other. “Whoa, she moves fast,” Octavia said with a chuckle, finally noticing what was so damn fascinating to the two of them. Clarke angrily stomped off towards the pizza place, which “coincidentally” was the furthest away from Lexa, and she was left on the receiving end of Raven’s very scary glare.

“... oops,” she mumbled sheepishly.

Raven just shook her head. “C’mon, doofus, sit down and save our table.”

Clarke, Raven, and Octavia miraculously managed to not get spotted by Lexa or her little friend during their entire mall trip. And that was saying a lot because they somehow ended up following the two around the mall. It was short lived though because after Lexa and co ate, they went to a couple of jewelry stores before leaving.

That last part had Clarke seething.

_‘Why is she getting her stupid one-night stand gifts? I know you have money to blow now but geesh, Lexa’_

The three of them left shortly after, but they did not go home. They decided that it way too early to go home. Instead, the three girls went to the movies and guess who was there standing in line to buy concessions. Wow, what a weirdly annoying day.

“Hey! Is that Lexa?” Octavia obnoxiously said. Very loudly. Clarke quickly shushed her, and Raven slapped her own forehead muttering to herself.

“Are you trying to get her to see us? Geesh! Let’s just leave.”

At that Raven spoke up. “Uh hell no. We already paid for this, and we’ve been dying to watch this movie since it came out. C’mon, Griff! Lexa probably didn’t even see us.”

Clarke huffed. “Fine.” She knew Raven was right, and, besides, she wasn’t going to allow her slight misunderstanding with Lexa to stop her from enjoying a good movie. When she spared another glance a Lexa for the billionth time, green eyes were already looking at her. _‘Damn it.’_ Lexa had a handful of snacks cradled in one of her arms and a large drink in the other hand. She seemed frozen in space, afraid to make a move like a baby deer in headlights. Clarke, on the other hand, was contemplating on whether she should go and speak or continue to stand there awkwardly staring at her from across the room. She made her decision and took a step but froze in her tracks a couple of steps in at the sight before her. A girl walked up to her and smiled sweetly before taking some of the snacks. She then grabbed her hand and dragged her to the screening room. This wasn’t even the same girl from the mall! This was a whole new one!

The screening room just so happened to be the same exact one that the three of them bought a ticket for. Again, what a weirdly annoying day.

Come to think of it, it was also very ironic. In the weeks leading up to the incident, it was difficult to see Lexa anywhere outside of the two classes plus lunch they shared. Now she was seeing her quite frequently. And they weren’t even on the best of terms.

She was bought out of her thoughts by Raven. “Wow. O was right. She does move fast.” The was she said it seemed like she was impressed, which made the blonde even more upset. Octavia noticed and nudged her.

“As much as I love hearing you say I was right, I don’t think now is the time.”

“Not to be an asshole, Griff, but, c’mon! That girl has got game. Two dates with two different girls less than an hour apart? Game… kind of makes me wonder who she’s going home with tonight.” Yup. Raven was definitely colored proud. She was also doing that stupid eyebrow wag of hers that made Clarke want to smack her.

She resisted the urge and instead settled for just shaking her head and went in the movie, not bothering with concessions since they just ate. In fact, Octavia and Raven also decided to forgo the snacks after Octavia smacked Raven upside the head twice. Once for her obvious approval at Lexa’s pig like actions and again for being greedy and wanting more food. They entered and spotted Clarke near the back of the theater. Once they got up there, they both immediately realized her reasoning. The way they were seated gave them a perfect view of Lexa and her date.

“Masochist,” Raven muttered to Octavia, subtly gesturing towards Clarke then in Lexa’s direction.

“Shh! The movie is starting.”

It turned out to be a good movie, but only Octavia knew since Raven had fallen asleep half way through (“Hey! I could barely sleep last night with O giggling every two seconds at her muscly teddy bear boyfriend and Griff slobbering all over me!”) and Clarke’s focus was solely on Lexa. Yes, in a creepy stalker type of way. She noticed everything. From the whispers to the shared laughs to the freaking way Lexa gave her date her stupid jacket.

On the way out, they saw Lexa and her date standing on the curb. They appeared to be having a good time, joking ang laughing with each other. Actually sitting in the car, waiting on Raven and Octavia to come out from their bathroom run, she could actually pay attention to them with zero chance of being caught since it was now dark out. Still creepily observing her best friend slash secret love interest, she noticed when a black van pulled up next to them and stopped. For a second Clarke was worried because she knew for a fact that Lexa drove because her car keys were in her hand, and she would only have them out if she was about to get in her car or had just gotten out of her car. The person in the van must be there to cause trouble. Her worry turned to relief when she realized that the car creepy looking black van was her date’s ride.

That relief was short lived when she witnessed the girl give Lexa a hug then a peck on the cheek before she got in and pulled off.  Lexa ran a hand through her wavy hair and shook her head before starting the walk to her own car, beeping the car horn to unlock it.

For a moment, Clarke’s heart dropped in her chest when the car next to the car parked directly in front of hers honked loudly.

“No. Fucking. Way.”

It turned out to be a coincidence when Lexa actually got into her familiar car parked several aisles over and away from her general direction. Good thing too because she was about to hit the pedal to the metal, Octavia and Raven be damned.

Speaking of those two clowns, there they were. Finally.

As they got in the car, Octavia and Raven were still talking about the movie, well Raven talked about the parts that she saw then Octavia filled her in on what she missed. When they turned to Clarke for her opinion, they got something totally different.

“That was cool as fuck the way Blue came back and saved their asses from that weird ass vicious ass indoraptor.”

“Yup, Blue deserves a dino-grammy, right, Griff?”

“She should’ve let the bitch freeze,” she muttered, mind still on the way Lexa wrapped the other girl up in her jacket.

“… Okay,” Raven drawled. “Let’s get out of here, guys. I’m tired.

“How the hell are you still tired after that seven-hour drool fest you just had?” Octavia teased. That was all Clarke bothered to listen to before drifting back into her own world. Before she knew it, they were parked in front of her house.

Two neighborhoods over, Lexa was just pulling up too. She went into the still smiling from her time away. She walked in and saw Aden sitting on the couch in the living room with his eyes glued to the television. She kissed him on the top of his head as she made her way to the kitchen. She glanced at her watch and noticed that it was a little after seven thirty.

“Have you eaten?” She thought about it before she reworded her question, knowing how Aden ate. “Are you hungry?”

“Yes and yes,” came the reply from the boy. His eyes were still glued to what he was watching but she knew that he was paying attention to her.

“Alright, buddy, what are you in the mood for?”

“Hamburgers?”

“Turkeyburgers.”

“No, Lex. Not everybody likes that healthy stuff you love.”

“.. fine hamburgers, but we’re eating lettuce and tomatoes on them.”

“Whatever,” he muttered. He honestly didn’t care as long as he got his meat.

Minutes later, when the burgers where done, Lexa made the plates and took them to the living room to eat with her brother.

“How was your day, Aden?”

“It was pretty good, how was yours?”

“Great. I had a really good time spending time with my old friends today.”

Aden contemplated whether or not he should say his next sentence. He thought about it then smiled. “I’m glad you’re okay now, Lex.” She smiled. “Me too.”

It was now ten o’clock and Clarke was laying her bed trying to get some sleep, so she could be functional for school tomorrow. But her brain wouldn’t shut up. Octavia and Raven ended up leaving early instead of staying an extra night, so she had no distractions. She tried Netflix then art, but her focus was gone. She kept thinking about one thing.

_‘I’ve never been the jealous type. Why was I so jealous when I saw Lexa with those girls? I just don’t get it.’_ For the life of her Clarke couldn’t comprehend. She was always very sure of herself. Her confidence levels were of astonishing heights. But Lexa and those girls made her blood boil. Great, now here she was getting upset all over again. _‘Whatever,’_ she thought in exasperation, _‘maybe it was just a fluke.’_ That was her final thought as she drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

Little did she know; her jealousy was only about to get worse. It definitely was not a fluke when it came to Lexa. In fact, the next incident of Clarke’s extreme jealousy was the very next day.

Clarke clenched her fists and tightened her jaw at the sight in front of her. She was lying on her back on her bed. She was supposed to be doing her history homework (insert eye roll here) but she kept getting ridiculously bored. She could no long stand the boredom, so she decided to check snapchat.

Oh how she wished she had just forced herself to stand the boredom. On Lexa’s snap was a girl, but this wasn’t the same girl she had even spotted with at the mall or even the movies. This normally wouldn’t have made her upset, but this girl was different. This was a girl who was clearly interested in her and just so happened to be one of her ex-flings.

They were in the car. It was clear that Lexa was unaware of herself being filmed as her attention was on the road. The short video showed the girl mouthing along to the words of the song and a brief show of Lexa towards the end. But still, it was enough to get her blood rushing.

What the hell was she doing with her? 

“Calm down, Clarke,” she told herself. “It could be a ton of reasons why they’re alone together.”

The next snap made her blood boil. The girl was doing the same thing, singing along to a different song. This time, however, it was a love song and she blew Lexa a kiss and a wink at the end. To her credit, Lexa only rolled her eyes in reply, but there was a smirk on her face. Oh yeah, and the location changed. They were at a fucking house. Now seeing as Clarke had been to Lexa’s house a billion and one times she knew that it wasn’t hers.

Clarke exited out of snapchat faster than she had packed up her history stuff that day she was studying with Lexa.

She needed to get out of the house. No way was she going to be able to do homework now. Her mind was too focused on Lexa. She decided that she would visit Raven. She needed to rant, and she knew two things. The first thing was that Octavia was most likely still with Lincoln. The second was that Raven would be down as long as she got some food out of it. Something about how drama makes her hungry. She rolled her eyes and made sure she had her card in her wallet. _‘Fucking hungry ass’_ She drove to Raven’s house and honked the horn as well as sent a quick iMessage. She knew that the girl was there seeing as school had just let out less than an hour ago and she was the one to drop her off. After ten minutes passed the door still sat firmly closed, and Clarke decided to call.

“House of beauty, this is cutie,” Raven said as she answered the call.

“.. I’m not even going to comment on that. Just come outside.”

“Un momento, mamacita.”

Raven came out a few minutes later and made her way to the passenger’s side. She hoped in and wiped her forehead. “What’s up, Griff?” She sounded slightly out of breath, but the blonde decided not to comment on it.

“I need to rant so we’re getting food.”

“Cool. Where’s O?”

“I didn’t want to ruin her time with Lincoln.”

Raven rolled her eyes and pulled out her phone. She called three times before the girl finally answered. She put her on speaker. Her voice sounded winded and aggravated. “What, Reyes?”

“What are you doing?”

“Something important. What is it?” They heard muffled chuckles in the background that sounded an awful lot like their boy Linc. _‘Important?’_ they heard in the background. Lincoln confirmed. “Shut up,” she hissed in reply.

“Oh gross. Are you getting sweaty with your muscly teddy bear?” And that’s when a boisterous laugh came through the speakers. “Not yet,” he said loudly.

“Linc, babe, stop,” she giggled. They heard a bunch of shuffling around and a thud. At first they were worried but then they heard Octavia’s moans fill the room. Raven fumbled around with the phone, almost dropping it twice in her disgust, before ending the call.

“Like I said. With. Linc.”

“Definitely won’t interrupt them ever again.” The previous disgust that was on her face was replace with glee and proudness. “Get some, O,” she muttered to herself with a smirk. The rest of the ride was silent except for the radio softly playing in the background. They drove through the drive-thru and ended up at the park to eat. They sat on the bench, and Clarke made a move to take a bite out of her food but was intercepted by the voice belonging to the girl sitting next to her.

“Is this by any chance a rant induced by Lexa?”

A sigh. “How’d you know?”

“I also have a snapchat.”

That snapped the hold of all of the resistance that was holding Clarke back from her rant. And she was angry. “I don’t get it. Is she fucking serious? Is she going to fuck her now? Fucking three days after she asked me out? Why the fuck is she attracting so many hoes? Like geesh, fuck off already! It’s annoying. She’s my-…” She cut herself off. _‘She’s not your anything, idiot, you rejected her,’_ she thought to herself with a shake of her head. There was a little moment of silence as they both thought about what was just said.

“Uh, newsflash: she’s been attracting tons of hoes forever.”

“Yeah but it wasn’t as annoying because I didn’t think she liked me like that”

“Griff…”

“No! You know what? Maybe she doesn’t. There’s no way she can move on that fast.”

“Okay now you’re being stupid everybody knows that girl is all for you. I don’t see how your oblivious ass didn’t catch on before she asked you out… come to think of It, I owe Bell twenty.”

“Ignoring that last part, how do you explain those girls? I mean come on three different girls that we know of over the course of one weekend and a Monday.”

“I’m sure she has a good reason but.. Griff you did reject her so you can’t exactly expect her to wait around for you. Pining doesn’t really seem to be her style.” When she saw Clarke open her mouth to respond, she continued. “Hear me out, Griff. Maybe this is her way of moving on. You saw how she was after Costia, and I’m not saying that this is the same situation or anything because I still have no idea what went down between those two, but she closed herself off and flew through girls. Hell, she didn’t even exclusively go through girls at our school, she went local… anyway, Griff, from her perspective, the first girl she decides to be serious with, after that shitshow with her old girl, rejects her. She’s probably just trying to cope.”

Clarke sighed loudly. “Damn it, Reyes, you’re making sense. Stop it it’s gross.”

Raven chuckled. “Just talk to her.”

She rolled her eyes and chuckled as well. They ate their food in a comfortable silence before Clarke spoke up again. “How’d you get to be the Lexa whisperer anyway?”

“I am Raven Reyes, knower of all things… and I talked to her earlier today.” She whispered the last part. Clarke damn near broke her neck trying to turn it in the girl’s direction.

“What?!”

“She didn’t say much about it really. She just mentioned how you were the first girl she tried to be serious with and that it stings a bit. Among other things. I just figured she’s probably using vagina to cope.”

Clarke’s mouth hung open. Raven felt guilty. Maybe she said too much, and she knew Lexa probably wouldn’t appreciate that. She decided to leave it alone and not say any more revealing things. The two of them needed to work this out on their own. It simply wasn’t her place.

“C’mon, Griff, let’s go home.” She stood up, patted the other girl’s leg, and made her way to the car.

“We are not done discussing this… Hey! Raven!”

She ended up getting absolutely no details about what the conversation consisted of other than what was already said at the park. (“Hey, Woods is my friend too, Clarke. We occasionally discuss feelings with each other.” At Clarke’s raised eyebrow she relented. “Okay, fine that was the first time, but we’re still friends which means what she said to me is between us.”)

The next instance of Clarke’s newfound jealousy was the next day. Again. (This was the opposite of what Clarke had in mind when she told herself that she’d do better with her jealousy. She got jealous a full four hours quicker than last time. She chose to ignore this detail.) Progress between her and Lexa was practically nonexistent by the way. Still, progress was progress. There was now less tension between the two.

The progress happened at lunch while Clarke, Lexa, Bellamy, Murphy, Luna, and Raven were at the tables outside in the quad idly chatting and eating away the hour. God knows what Monty and Harper, Lincoln and Octavia (much to the older Blake’s dismay), and Jasper and Maya were up to.

Lexa was in the middle of correcting Bellamy’s history facts when Raven chimed in.

“God, is there anything that you don’t know, Lex? What high schooler knows each president’s birthdays and hometowns and blah blah blah? You need a hobby.”

“She’s a Lexapedia,” Clarke muttered in the slight pause it took for Lexa to fire back her own retort. She quickly blushed when she realized everyone had heard her. Her eyes met Lexa’s amused ones and gave a shy smile.

“Nice one, Griffin,” Lexa said coolly. It made Clarke’s heart stutter. Did this mean that Lexa was starting to come around? Would they be able to talk now? Maybe date? The simply thought of being in a relationship with Lexa sent her heart into overdrive. Her moment was interrupted by Raven’s cackling. “A fucking Lexapedia!” She had tears in her eyes from laughing to hard. She was so damn dramatic. Everyone else, save for Murphy who was silently picking at his nails, chuckled too.

Then, the regression began.

A girl approached the table and politely greeted everyone. She respectfully asked to speak to Lexa for a moment.

“Yeah, sure. What’s up, Alex?”

“I just wanted to say thank you again for the _help_ on Sunday. It was definitely appreciated,” she winked. It was then that Clarke realized why she look familiar. It was one of Lexa’s dates. The one from the mall. She didn’t know what type of help she was talking about, but she certainly did not like it, whatever _it_ was. She missed a couple of lines of dialog between the two, but when she tuned back in, she wished she had missed all of it. Wait, when the hell did this Alex chick decide it was okay for her to sit down? _‘Wow. Entitled much?’_

“We should do it again sometime.”

“For sure.”

“How about next time it be my treat? We can stay in and watch those weird documentaries of yours and I’ll even buy those disgusting healthy snacks you love.”

At that Lexa let out a hearty chuckle, “You hate both of those things, Al.”

“And you hate the mall, yet you made an exception for me.” She shrugged. “Figured I could do the same thing for you.”

“Well aren’t you a sweetheart?” Lexa smiled. Clarke was thinking something similar but with heavy sarcasm and quite a few more expletives. And more face punching. Alex rolled her eyes and shoved her playfully before standing up. “Shut up, Lex. I’ve got to go, but you should text me and let me know.”

“I will definitely do that.”

“I bet you say that to all the girls.”

Lexa smirked. “Only the pretty ones.” Alex blushed and cleared her throat. “You’re such a smooth flirt. No, it’s gross so don’t look so smug, jerk.” She looked at her watch. “Okay I really have to go. Bye everybody. Later, Lex.” Everyone politely said goodbye back. (In a very dramatic fashion, it physically pained Clarke to play nice.) And with that she walked away. Lexa had her smirk firmly in place as she watched her walk away.

It fell away when she realized the alarming number of eyes on her. “Why are you weirdos looking at me like that?”

“New fling?” Bellamy said wagging his eyebrows. Lexa scoffed.

“Don’t be ridiculous.”

“So something serious then?”

“Nowhere close, Blake. Not in the way you’re thinking.”

“Ouch so one-night stand. How’re you going to break it to the poor girl’s heart?”

Lexa laughed. Bellamy was so far off the marker. Her laugh was interrupted when Clarke abruptly stood up from the table. “Stomach. Tacos. Bathroom,” she rushed with a pained look before scurrying off.

“Weird,” Murphy piped up.

“Anyways, what was that, Woods?” Raven asked. She hadn’t told Lexa about Clarke’s feelings so she understood why she thought it would be okay to flirt in front of her, but she couldn’t help but feel protective since she knew the truth.

“Alex?”

“You sure were flirty.” Again, Lexa rolled her eyes.

“It isn’t like that. I just helped her pick out stuff for her boyfriend, and, judging by her dozens of texts messages of thanks, he really liked them. She’s just grateful.”

Raven looked at her for a few minutes before slowly nodding. She mentally sighed. She already knew what was going through Clarke’s head: womanizing playboy Lexa is back. But is she? The whole mall thing was a misunderstanding. How many other interactions were not what they seemed? The movies? The Snapchat thing? The number of times she was spotted at different girl’s lockers or walking them to class? She shot off a quick warning to Clarke telling her to calm down and talk to her soon. She stood.

“Welp, I’m going to go see what’s up with Griff. See you guys.” As she turned to leave she felt a hand on her wrist gently stopping her.

“Actually,” Lexa started. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to.” Raven was about to refuse, but she saw the pleading look in Lexa’s eyes. “Of course not. Go ahead,” she replied, sitting back down. Lexa nodded her thanks and took off. She hoped Clarke read her text and wouldn’t blow up on the girl. She knew firsthand how Clarke got when she was jealous, thanks to Finn. She fired off another one, this one being a warning. It basically just said that Lexa was on her way and reminded her to not explode and to _listen to what Lexa had to say_.

Yeah, Raven later found out that her efforts were in vain.

Bellamy looked at Raven. “I’m missing something.”

“Yes, you have plenty of screws loose up there.” Luna laughed and high fived Murphy for his smooth jab. Bellamy glared before turning his attention back to Raven. Except Raven didn’t speak. Luna did.

“Woods asked out Griffin, Griffin rejected Woods now Griffin regrets the decision to ignore her massive gay feelings for Woods and is extremely jealous,” she looked at Raven. “Am I close?”

Raven gaped. “Fucking spot on. How did you know that?” She narrowed her eyes. “Wait, does Lexa know too? Is she trying to get back at Clarke or something? Because I’ll s-“

“Calm down. The girl is as clueless as they come when it comes to Griffin.” Raven seemingly accepted that answer. “Besides anytime I try to tell her, she shuts down the conversation at the mere mention of blondie. It’s ridiculous.”

“What the fuck?” Bellamy said confused. “They don’t know they like each other? They aren’t dating on the low?”

“I know, right?” Raven said exasperated. “I don’t know how much longer I can watch the two of them skate around their feelings for each other!”

“You’re telling me,” Luna said. “I’ve never seen Lex that hopeless.”

“Wow. I seriously thought they were just… I don’t even know. At least fuck buddies or _something_.” Bellamy simply did not understand. The confusion was clear in his voice when he spoke.

“They’re idiots.”

Everybody agreed with Murphy on that one. They could’ve been together by now. Clueless idiots.

Back in the school building, Clarke was so focused on her thoughts and getting as far away from Lexa as she possibly could that she didn’t notice the quiet footsteps following her. She nearly jumped out of her skin when someone spoke.

“Clarke are you okay?” Lexa.

“It’s not like you care,” she mumbled bitterly.

“What? Of course I care, Clarke, what are you talking about?”

“Nothing Lexa, just go back to fucking a thousand different girls in a week.”

“... What?”

“I saw you, Lexa. At the fucking mall and on Snap at another one’s house! So why don’t you go check on them and leave me the hell alone!”

“Clarke-..”

“No! You know what? I’m glad I didn’t say yes when you asked me out. You can’t even stick to one girl!”

She immediately regretted it afterwards. Lexa tensed and her jaw locked. She dropped her comforting hand and took a step back.

“L-Lex, shit, I’m s-..”

“You know what, _Klark_?” The way she said her name with such bite had Clarke’s gut twisting in despair. Usually her name said like that made her heart pound faster for an entirely different reason. “I was at the mall with my friend. My very _straight_ friend who was looking for a gift for her boyfriend for their two-year anniversary. Afterwards? I was catching up with an old friend who moved away. And yesterday? We were working on a fucking project. Just because I’m with a girl doesn’t mean I’m interested in them. Actually, even if I was, why do you even care?! Last I checked, you rejected me. I shouldn’t have to explain myself to you. I can do whatever the hell I want.”

She took another, bigger step back. “So sorry that I wanted to check to see if you were okay,” she said in a low voice. “Next time I’ll leave you the hell alone.”

And with that, Lexa quickly walked away. She didn’t even raise her voice that much, but the pain was obvious in her voice. Now Clarke felt like absolute shit. She had just stomped all over the other girl’s feelings all for nothing. Just her stupid jealousy. She rubbed at her eyes. God, she had made her big mess into an even bigger mess.

It was then that she grabbed her vibrating phone from her back pocket and saw Raven’s text messages. She threw her head back and groaned. The progress they made during their lunch break was definitely ruined.

‘ _One step forward, two steps back,_ ’ Clarke thought, just as the bell rang. She had to apologize to Lexa and talk to her. But how? Lexa probably wouldn’t want to talk to her. To hell with it. Clarke was surely going to at least try. _‘I’m not going anywhere, Lex.’_

Turns out, that run in with Clarke actually made Lexa want to push her away. For the rest of the day, Lexa avoided Clarke. The asshole act began the very next day. (“Playboy Lexa can make a comeback if you really want her too, Klark. I can change again… ashes to my old self.”)

It was little things. She wasn’t outright acting like an asshole because, come on, it’s still Clarke. She just did things that she knew would piss her off. Like avoid her. Oh and apparently, judging by the “conversation” they last had, spending time with girls that weren’t in their general close-knit friend group. This pet peeve of Clarke’s confused Lexa to no end, but she worked with it. So Lexa started coming around less, greeting everyone then making half assed excuses to leave. She began hanging out with even more girls than before. She knew what it looked like in Clarke’s eyes, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. She had enough of getting headaches over trying to figure out why it made the other girl so upset. So she gave up on it.

Lexa kept this up for a solid week before Octavia and Raven got sick of it. They found themselves staging an intervention with Clarke.

“When the hell are you going to fix this” Octavia started. Her and Raven ambushed her at the lunch table as soon as she sat down.

“Um?”

“She’s right, Griff,” Raven continued. “This has gone on for way too long.”

“I know,” she muttered. “How do I fix it after what I said?”

“Clarke,” Octavia said, “you guys are best friends. Just talk to her.”

“Last time I just made it worse,” she said under her breath. Octavia had been filled in the day it happened. (A heavy sigh. “You’re a dick, Griff.” That was her exact reaction.)

Octavia made eye contact with Lincoln across the yard. He smiled and began making his way over. She knew had to make this conversation quick because she knew that her boyfriend and Lexa were exceptionally close. She didn’t want him to have any information worth feeling conflicted over.

“Alright, I’m going to be blunt,” she said.

“Just fix it, Griff. Team Clexa could have been engaged by now,” Raven finished with a shit eating grin. She had seen Lincoln coming and felt like being a dick. Octavia glared at her.

Lincoln was now in earshot and Octavia didn’t have time to actually say what she wanted so she settled for the next best thing. “I hate you, Reyes.”

“Hey, guys,” Lincoln said with an easy-going smile while he took his place next to Octavia. “Why do we hate Raven?”

“Have you not been in a room with her for longer than five minutes?” she deadpanned. He and Raven chuckled. Clarke’s lip twitched a bit.

“Touché”

They ate their lunches in comfortable silence, occasionally small talking.

On Lexa’s end, she had to deal with Luna who fared no better.

“We need to have a little chat,” she said walking up to Lexa at her locker, not at all caring about the random girl she just cut off. Lexa smiled apologetically at the girl.

“See you later?”

The girl smiled shyly. “Sure. See you, Lexa.”

“Definitely,” she said with a smirk. The girl walked off in another direction, smile full blown on her face. Lexa directed her attention back to Luna, a small smile still playing on her face.

“Luna, hey. How a-“ She never finished that question.

“You need to seriously pull your head out of your ass.”

Lexa raised her eyebrow. “Oh?”

Luna slammed her hand on the locker next to Lexa’s. Lexa rose both her eyebrows with a mildly amused grin. “You good?”

“Stop.”

“Stop doing what exactly?” She continued smiling, knowing it was getting on Luna’s nerves. Luna took a calming breath.

“Don’t make me put you flat on your back again,” she muttered. That wiped the amused grin right off of Lexa’s face. She scowled at the memory of it.

“You caught me off guard!”

“Sure,” she chuckled which bought the grin back to her friend’s face. “Seriously, Lex. Talk.”

Lexa looked so confused before Luna took pity on her. “About Clarke, dumbass.” Her face hardened. All previous traces of amusement were washed away. She closed her locker and made an attempt to walk away. Know who wasn’t having that? Luna. She shut that down with the quickness.

“Seriously making me want to knock you on your ass right about now.”

“I don’t want to talk about Clarke.”

“Too bad because that’s what we’re doing.”

The bell rang, and Lexa smile triumphantly. “Would you look at that. Time for class.”

“It’s our lunch period,” she deadpanned in reply. Her lip quirked up and Lexa’s ‘damn it’ face. “Let’s go, you’re buying me food.” Lexa rolled her eyes. She reopened her locker, tossed her notebook in there, grabbed her keys and jacket, then closed it.

“Fine.”

They started the journey to Lexa’s car. Passing the quad, Lexa made sure to avoid looking in the direction that she knew her friends were in, and it was all for the simple reason that she did not want to look at Clarke. She knew that one look into those pleading eyes would have her weak. She hoped that Luna would keep her mouth shut and allow them to pass unscathed.

Luna did no such thing. In fact, she did the exact opposite.

“Hey guys!” Lexa mentally cursed while she watched Luna flail her arms like a lunatic. Fucking b-…

“Where you too sneaking off to?” she heard Raven asked as she slowly approached. She noticed that the normally packed table was lacking today. Only Lincoln, Octavia, Raven, and, of course, Clarke were there.

“Oh you know, we want to satisfy our… needs… you’re more than welcome to join.”

Lexa made a look of pure disgust, and Raven laughed. “I’ll have to sit this one out… kick Commander Hard Ass out and you may have yourself a deal next time,” she winked.

Lexa scoffed. “Please, Reyes. You wouldn’t be able to handle me. Luna don’t be so gross.”

“Don’t make me put you on your ass. Again.” Octavia quickly snapped her head in their direction, breaking off her kiss with Lincoln.

“Wait a minute… it was Luna who put you flat on your back in less than a minute?” She started cackling at Lexa’s scowl.

“Damn you, Linc.” He just smiled innocently. “I was caught off guard.”

“Whatever you need to tell yourself,” Luna replied.

“Remember who’s buying your food.”

“She was caught off guard,” she corrected with a single head nod. Lexa nodded in satisfaction. “Whatever just come on. I’m fucking starving.”

“Well if it’s a fucking you crave…” Raven trailed off, twinkle in her eye. Octavia laughed.

“I’m telling Anya.” Raven blushed bright red. She started muttering under her breath something about assholes and resumed eating her lunch. Luna took the opportunity, which made Lexa want to kill her. Like literally put her six feet under type of kill her.

“What’s got you all quiet, Griffin?”

Clarke shrugged, effectively pulling off her nonchalant facade. “Just got a lot on my mind.”

“Anything to do with Lex? Like discussing what happened? Making up? You know, like mature people?” She continued her onslaught of questions with an “innocent” smile. Clarke faltered and flashed her eyes to Lexa. For the first time upon arrival, Lexa actually met her gaze. If Lexa wanted to kill Luna before, she definitely wanted to now.

“And here I thought I’d make your death painless,” she growled. “Let’s. Go.”

“Well,” Lincoln said as he watched Lexa practically drag Luna away. “that was interesting.”

“Interesting?” Octavia scoffed. “That was just painful to watch.”

“Agreed,” Raven said.

Clarke was left staring at the space that Lexa previously occupied with sad eyes and a heavy heart.

Lexa and Luna made their way all the way to the nearest Wendy’s and went through the drive thru before Lexa spoke.

“What the hell were you thinking?”

“That it was time for you to grow up and handle your feelings.”

“We’re not doing this.”

“You’re being a child. I mean seriously? You got rejected. So. What?”

Lexa glared at her. “You don’t know shit.”

“Raven tells me things. But, by all means, enlighten me.”

“Okay, since you think you know everything, let me wipe that smug look off your face.” Lexa said lowly. “Did she tell you about how I tried to rise above and I went to talk to her? Did she tell you that I basically got spit on? She fucking threw it in my face, Luna. I’m not being childish. I just fucking need my space.”

Luna’s face fell. Okay so maybe she didn’t know anything because she definitely did not know that. She opened her mouth to respond, but Lexa beat her to the punch. “I just wanted to make up with my best friend, and she stomped all over my feelings.”

“Lex..” She didn’t even have a chance. Lexa was on a roll.

“So next time you want to stick your nose where it doesn’t belong, make sure you have all the facts.” The way she spoke with finality in her tone made Luna know that the conversation was over, and she didn’t want to be pushed on the matter.

But since Luna never listened…

“I’m sorry, Lex,” she said, watching Lexa’s jaw clench and unclench. “I just hope you guys work it out.” Lexa grunted but gave no other signs of replying. Luna sighed. “Don’t give up. I know that you know that a girl like that is worth fighting for.”

Lexa didn’t say anything so Luna let it be. She knew that she could only go so far with Lexa, and she already pushed it. She sighed. ‘ _C’mon, Griff. She tried, so it’s your turn now. Ball’s in your court.’_

In her defense, Clarke did try to apologize. She gave Lexa two days after her rude spiel to cool off a bit before she tried. She knew how Lexa operated, and, honestly, it had been the best course of action. Both her and Lexa calmed down considerably and thought about things. It didn’t go too well. It wasn’t nearly as disastrous as when Lexa had initiated the conversation, but it wasn’t much better. Lexa still held some hurt in her heart over what her best friend had said and Clarke was still harboring feelings of (irrational) jealousy. Since then, the two had kind of been avoiding each other.

But they both desperately missed each other and it was clear as day to those around them.

After the awkward lunch episode, Clarke kept thinking of Lexa. That was the first time they had made eye contact in over a week. Technically, it wasn’t a full week since Clarke did just talk to her last Thursday when she tried to apologize, but still. Six days was entirely too long for best friends to not be speaking. It was even ridiculously longer for Lexa and Clarke to not be speaking. Or looking at each other. She decided that the entire situation was down right ridiculous. She wanted her best friend back in her life. She honestly didn’t care if they started off as just friends, she just missed her. And who would she be if she didn’t go after what she wanted?

Not Clarke Griffin because what Clarke Griffin wanted Clarke Griffin got.

This thought process was of course more theoretical than practical, but it gave Clarke the motivation to try again so whatever. She decided that on this coming Friday she would go for it. This way, if things went bad, she could hide her embarrassment in her room for a few days, and if things went according to plan, well… her and Lexa could hide in her room together for a few days for completely different, more favorable reasons. Two days passed by, and it was Friday once again.

She kept her head held high on the entire walk to Lexa’s locker. She made it all the way there with her confidence still intact. She gently tapped Lexa on the shoulder to get her attention. The second Lexa turned around, she felt all of her confidence leave her body only to be replaced by the nerves that were eating away at her stomach the first day she decided to talk to Lexa.

“Can we talk?” She said it so softly that she thought Lexa hadn’t heard her.

“I don’t think we have anything more to discuss, Clarke.”

“Please? I miss my best friend.”

“Sorry, your best friend is too busy fucking a thousand different girls a week to do the same.” Lexa noticed the way Clarke’s lip twitched in agitation at the mention of her being involved with other girls, even though they both knew she was doing no such thing. The reaction still confused her, but she smirked just because she knew it was aggravating her. “In fact, she’s leaving you the hell alone.”

Lexa was about to walk off, but Clarke grabbed her arm. “Lex…”

Lexa tensed up at the nickname she hadn’t heard herself be called by the blue-eyed beauty in so long. Her eyes flickered down to the hand that was still gripping her gently. Her brow furrowed in confusion when she felt her heart do all kinds of gay shit in reaction to that small, simple touch. Clarke took it as a bad sign and quickly removed her hand. She instead chose to hold both hands up as a show of her surrendering. She wanted to show that she meant no harm.

“Sorry,” she said as she rubbed the back of her neck nervously. “I just want to work things out.”

Lexa waited until she made eye contact and studied her eyes. She closed her eyes and sighed. Clarke felt her heart drop. Ironic isn’t it? That was Clarke’s reaction, which kind of started this whole mess.

“Clarke…”

“I miss you,” she said desperately. She did not want to be denied the chance to fix things.

“We’ll talk.”

Clarke’s eyes lit up.

“Just not today. I can’t do this right now, okay? Do you understand that?”

Clarke’s expression dropped slightly but it still held up. It wasn’t a full-blown rejection so that was something.

‘Yeah, yeah I do.” And she really did understand.

“Thank you,” she breathed. A second later the bell rang. “I’ve got to get to class.” Clarke nodded her head and stood awkwardly, not knowing what she should do. Lexa closed her locker and turned her back on Clarke, who’s eyes were still on her. She looked over her shoulder and caught her eye. “I miss you too, dork,” she murmured genuinely before taking off.

That simple admittance made Clarke question whether or not she was going into cardiac failure.

Though they had that talk and it went well, they hadn’t talked. And it wasn’t for a lack of trying on Clarke’s end either.

Lexa seemed to be avoiding Clarke. At first, it wasn’t obvious because it was the weekend and lately the two had only been seeing each other at school. It became obvious Tuesday when Clarke noticed that Lexa was AWOL in literally every place she had been seeing her with the exception of the  classes they shared. Even with those, Lexa sauntered in literally seconds before the bell rang to start so there was no way to get a word in before class. She also left classes early so getting a word in after class was also impossible. She was absent from the halls and absent from lunch.

The rare time she did manage to catch Lexa, the girl always made up some excuse or promised that they would talk soon.

Lincoln and Luna claimed to not know where she was, but Luna suspiciously texted a lot more frequently and disappeared randomly with lame excuses like “it’s my mom” and “I had beans for lunch”.

Another two days passed, and Clarke got fed up. Lexa was acting like a child. I mean, seriously? Avoidance? They could have been together by now. Fuck. She was putting her foot down. It was in that moment that Clarke decided that enough was enough. It was Thursday morning and besides that brief conversation they still hadn’t talked things out. She gave Lexa time, and she did nothing with it.

So she’s putting her foot down. Lexa is going to talk to her, dammit, and today is the damn day. So she carefully bided her time and left her alone all day until final period. She noticed that Lexa was less tense without her bothering her. That kind of hurt, but she wasn’t going to be deterred. Their seats were right next to each other, just like they were in the other two classes they shared.

She couldn’t catch her gaze seeing as the other girl was actively avoiding even looking in her general direction. She scribbled something down on a piece of paper and decided to hell with it before launching it right at her head. It bounced off with a quiet thump to the ground. Lexa turned and glared at her before picking the paper up, getting ready to toss it in the garbage can beside her.

“No!”

The teacher stopped her lesson and the class turned their attention to her. The students were both confused at her outburst as well as grateful for the interruption of the boring lecture. The teacher raised her eyebrow at her.

“Something you have on your mind , Griffin?”

“N-no, ma’am,” she stammered out. A dark blush crawled up her neck and took over her cheeks. “Just forgot to do my chores,” she mumbled out lamely before burying her face in her textbook. Her book was really on a random page just to give off the illusion that she was paying attention when in reality her focus had been on the girl sitting to the left of her. The girl who found amusement in her embarrassment. Asshole.

When the teacher resumed her lesson and the students reluctantly turned their attention back to her, Clarke tried again to get Lexa to meet her gaze. This time it was surprisingly easy seeing as she was already looking at her with a perfectly arched eyebrow. Clarke gestured to the paper in a silent demand to open it.

Lexa stared at her for a few more seconds before rolling her eyes and doing just that.

**_Can you come over after school? I really think we should talk._ **

She rolled her eyes again. She appeared to be unbothered but on the inside she was kind of panicking. Her heart was pounding and her palms started sweating. She gave a stiff nod then shifted her attention back to the lecture. The note got tossed in the can, but Clarke didn’t care. Her and Lexa were finally going to talk. The school day couldn’t end fast enough. She sat through the rest of class with a big grin on her face.

The rest of the day dragged on with no eventful or even slightly interesting things happening. When the final bell rang, Clarke rushed to her car and hopped in. She was super excited. Nervous, but also excited. She paused. She should she wait for Lexa?  She decided to send a quick text.

**dork**

**should i wait for you or... ?**

**Delivered at 3:46**

**asshole <3**

**no, I’ll stop by later**

**Delivered at 3:47**

**dork**

**okay, see you then**

**Delivered at 3:47**

Clarke waited a bit, expecting an okay or something. Instead all she got was read at 3:49. The text bubbles never showed up so she guessed a response wasn’t happening. ‘ _Whatever, I just know that little asshole better come over or I’ll go find her myself’_

After her excitement disappeared, Clarke remembered that somewhere in her haste to make things right with her best friend, she had forgotten that she was supposed to take Octavia home. Good thing she didn’t pull off yet too because not even a minute later, she nearly peed her pants in fear when her passenger door opened and closed.

Octavia made herself comfortable in the seat, looking upset. She pulled off.

“Hey, O, what’s up?”

“Stupid Lincoln.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“O...”

“No seriously! Absolutely nothing, and I miss him.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, recently, all the free time we have together he has been too focused on Lexa to pay a-.. shit, sorry. I forgot..”

“Don’t worry about it... I’m actually going to talk to her today after school.”

“What are you going to tell her?”

“The truth”

“Which is?”

“That I do have feelings for her, yes, but the reason I reacted like that was because I wasn’t sure I was ready for a relationship, you know? I had to really assess and determine if I was ready to put myself back out there.”

“Well are you?”

“For Lexa? Definitely.”

The rest of the ride was spent in silence. Octavia was silently gloating about the easy money she just made from her bet with Raven. Raven thought that Lexa would be stubborn for a few more weeks before they sat down and talked, but Octavia knew better. _‘Silly Raven. Don’t you know that Clarkey has Lexie wrapped around her finger? She was bound to fold first, and she knew it. Clearly the reason she resorted to avoidance in the first place. Duh..’_

“What are you smiling all creepily like that for? You’re freaking me out.”

“Huh?” She was pulled out of her thoughts of self-praise. She looked up and noticed that they were in front of her house already. _‘Wow that was fast’_

“You’re being weird.”

“Oh nothing, I’m just happy that you just put a few extra bucks in my pocket. Later babe!”

“Few extra...?”

The only response received was the slamming of the door and the sight of Octavia skipping happily to her front door. She turned and gave an over dramatic bow before disappearing from sight.

“Okay. That was totally normal.”

She drove home and ate a quick snack while she shot a quick text to her mom to let her know that she was home. In her messages, she noticed that Lexa actually did respond.

**asshole <3 **

**see you at 5**

**Delivered at 3:50**

That actually bought a smile to her face. A real life, ear to ear, cheek cramping smile. It slowly dropped as she felt her nerves creeping up on her.

All the excitement from early vanished and was replaced by overwhelming nervousness.

To calm her nerves, Clarke decided to keep busy until Lexa showed up. A quick peek at the clock told her that it was just shy of four o’clock. That’s a lot of time to waste. A nice bubble bath then shower would do. It was the perfect idea. It would both soothe her and take at least thirty minutes. She could figure out how to waste the rest of her time later.

She walked leisurely to the bathroom that was connected to her room and began to fill the tub. She walked back into her room and grabbed one of the bath bombs that Lexa had recently purchased for her, the twilight one from Lush. It was really just lavender, but still. She also grabbed some lavender scented soap. She wanted to smell good ~~for Lexa~~ , but she didn’t want to be all over the place. Finally, she grabbed a pair of tights and a tank top to change in to.

Apparently she spent too much time sniffing her Lush products because when she got back to the bathroom the tub had a lot of water in it, way more than necessary. She dropped the bath bomb in and watched it fizzle with mild excitement. Watching those things never got old. She placed her clothes on the sink and her phone on the ledge of the bathtub.

Next, she stripped her clothes and got in. She sighed in pleasure. The water was warm and welcoming, and it smelled heavenly. _‘Thank you, asshole,’_ she thought while grinning devilishly. _‘However, if things go according to plan, you’ll be thanking me later.’_

She could already feel her muscles relaxing and her nerves evaporating. This was definitely a good call. Very relaxing indeed.

She grabbed her phone. What started as scrolling through social media ended up being watching YouTube videos then somehow looking at old messages, in that order.

What happed was she started off on Instagram but grew bored of that so moved on to Pinterest. Being on Pinterest made her want to chop all her hair off, get several new tiny tattoos, change her wardrobe, exercise, diet, plan her wedding and have a baby so she decided to get off for now. She then went to twitter. After a few minutes of mindless scrolling, she came across a video on her timeline. When she clicked on the link, it directed her to the YouTube app. She, of course, watched it and ended up watching more “suggested” videos. In the middle of her third video, she got a text from her mom replying to her earlier message. That led her to her message app, and Lexa’s thread caught her eye. It hadn’t been at the top of her message threads in a while.

She opened it, scrolled up, and that’s where she is now. Dramatically reminiscing of the better days filled with pleasant, unawkward Lexa conversations.

**dork**

**Lex, these stupid veggie chips you told me to try are disgusting.**

**Delivered 09/28/18**

**asshole <3**

**our bestfriendsmanship is cancelled, Clarke.**

**Delivered 09/28/18**

**dork**

**… you’re trolling me, right?**

**Delivered 09/28/18**

**asshole <3**

**absolutely not**

**Delivered 09/28/18**

**dork**

**Lexa.**

**Delivered 09/28/18**

**asshole <3**

**Clarke.**

**Delivered 09/28/18**

**dork**

**whatever *eyeroll* good luck finding a new best friend**

**Delivered 09/28/18**

**asshole <3**

**solo dolo**

**Delivered 09/28/18**

**dork**

**LUL you’re so funny. You can’t quit this friendship, we’re eternal**

**Delivered 09/28/18**

**asshole <3**

**the number you are trying to reach is currently unavailable.. dork.**

**Delivered 09/28/18**

 

Clarke laughed out loud and scrolled up some more. Reliving these messages made her heart do flips for some reason. 

 

**dork**

**haven’t heard from you today… everything okay?**

**Delivered 09/22/18**

**asshole <3**

**I’ve been down and I didn’t want to bring that negative energy your way  knowing I wasn’t ready to talk about it yet**

**Delivered 09/22/18**

**dork**

**Okay, Lex :(** **I’m here if you wanna talk**

**Delivered 09/22/18**

**asshole <3**

**I know, thank you Clarke**

**Delivered 09/22/18**

**dork**

**no problem**

**Delivered 09/22/18**

**asshole <3**

**… can I come over?**

**Delivered 09/22/18**

 

**dork**

**you never have to ask. Disney?**

**Delivered 09/22/18**

**asshole <3**

**you never have to ask ;) be there in 20**

**Delivered 09/22/18**

Clarke chuckled again and closed her eyes. She remembered how when Lexa got there they spent the entire Saturday night watching Disney movies and eating ice cream, the only junk and comfort food she could get Lexa to eat irresponsibly. She smiled to herself. _‘Who has to “responsibly eat ice cream” anyway? And you call me to the dork.’_ God, she missed Lexa, but it’s fine because after tonight things would be better.

That night they only briefly got into the reason why Lexa was so down. Apparently there was this girl that Lexa liked, but she didn’t think it would be the best idea to attempt to further their relationship. Lexa told her that she was close to the girl and valued her friendship very much which meant that she did not want to risk that very much valued friendship just because she couldn’t keep her stupid feelings to herself. At the time, Clarke assumed that Lexa was simply talking about someone from her other group of friends. It sent a pang of jealousy through her heart finding out her long-time crush had her eyes on someone else, but she pushed through it in favor of being a good friend rather than a psycho crazy one. Of course, as her best friend, Clarke told her that any girl would be lucky to have “assholeyness and all.”

A goofy grin bloomed across her face. She was talking about her the entire time. That’s why she had been so vague and unwilling to give many details. Usually Lexa didn’t mind telling Clarke about the girls she was doing, talking to, planning to do, etcetera. She had just assumed that it was because feelings were actually involved. _‘But that wasn’t the case at all.’_

When she reopened her eyes, smile still in place, her screen had timed out. She tapped the home button causing her lock screen to flash before her eyes. When she noticed the time, her eyes comically bugged out of her head.

**4:49 PM**

She tossed her phone onto the carpeted rug and hurriedly unplugged the drain. Clarke didn’t bother to wait for the tub to be finished draining before starting the shower. She was on a time crunch. She came to realize that she should’ve though because she had forgotten how unnecessarily long it took for the water to get back hot. It was freaking freezing. She jumped back with a screech, nearly busting her ass in the process.

The shower literally made no sense. She _just_ heated the water when she was preparing her bath. The water in the tub hadn’t even gotten cold yet so how was the shower already back to freezing? _How_? She made a mental note. _‘Note to self: have mom look into this stupid shower situation.’_ She sighed and waited two minutes before inching her way back. She dipped her hand in the running sprays and finally stepped under the current when she determined the water to be to her liking.

She quickly showered and stepped out. After drying off, she walked back to her room with her clothes and phone in hand. Her towel was wrapped snuggly around her body. One quick glance at the time told her that it was 4:56 and that she needed to haul ass.

“Fucking punctual ass,” she muttered while slipping the tights on, deciding to forgo the underwear for the remainder of the evening. Hey, nothing wrong with letting her womanhood breathe.

She threw on a sports bra and one of her larger comfy shirts. She grabbed her fluffy socks and put her left foot in then her right foot halfway into the other one right as the doorbell rang.

“Fuck,” she yelped as she tipped over on her ass. She quickly shoved it in and raced down the stairs. She opened the door a bit winded. Lexa definitely noticed, judging by her raised eyebrow, but didn’t comment on it.

“Hey,” Clarke said, still out of breath. Lexa rolled her eyes.

“Can we move this along? People to do, whoops, I meant see.” They both knew it was complete bullshit. Lexa hadn’t had a hook up in months, a fact confirmed by Luna to Clarke.

“Oh what? Really? We’re back to this now? You think you’re some type of hard ass? Having fun being the biggest douche face on the planet? All for what?!” What the hell happened since their last conversation that resulted in the two of them going back to square one? What the hell happened to their already barely there progress? Because it was gone.

Lexa just sat there smirking. “Well you sure are all riled up.”

Clarke snapped. “Oh drop the fucking act already, Lexa, it’s getting annoying.” With every word she took a step closer to the other girl, effectively backing her into the wall by the door. She was seriously getting aggravated with Lexa’s unfazed facade.

“Oh? Is that a fact?”

“Yes! Especially when we both know-..” she cut herself off and took a breather. God.

“Know what?” she challenged. Clarke once again took a deep breath. When she opened her eyes, the previous anger and annoyance was gone. No, instead it was replaced by sadness and .. guilt? At that Lexa paused. What on earth did Clarke have to feel guilty about?

“I know that I hurt you.”

Oh. That. ... Right. The thing she wanted to completely forget about. (Not like she could though no matter how hard she tried.) The thing she was desperately trying to avoid talking about. She had hoped being an ass would make Clarke want to kick her out, no conversation about that made. She underestimated how much the other girl missed her best friend.

Her face steeled, and she immediately crossed her arms against her chest. Another subconscious defense mechanism. “I’m not doing this.” She made a side step move to the door and quickly wrenched it open. Clarke was quicker and shut that down before there was any chance to escape.

“What are you running from? It’s just me, dammit! Talk to me, Lex!”

“I can’t! I can’t do this with you, Clarke. I get it, okay? I don’t need closure or whatever you’re trying to do. Just leave it alone.”

“You said we could talk!”

“I know! But I can’t, Clarke. I thought I could do it, but being here? I just-… fuck.”

“You’re so dumb.”

“Excuse me? The hell ....”

“If you’d just listen for two seconds we could be doing much more productive things with our mouths,” Clarke muttered to herself. She realized that she said it louder than intended when Lexa’s face took on a confused expression.

“.. Eating? You’re seriously thinking about food right now?”

“Are we even having the same conversation?”

“I don’t understand.”

“It’s like you’re not even listening to me.”

“I’m trying, but I’m not fluent in senseless ramblings!”

“So maybe we shouldn’t talk at all...”

“Great. I’m so out of h-..” she was promptly cut off when she felt soft lips press against her own. She was so shocked that Clarke pulled away before she even had a chance to react, and she was just left gaping at her like a fish.

“Still wanna leave or will you listen to what I have to say?”

She couldn’t even get her brain to function. It was just a big gay puddle of mush in her head. _‘Am I tripping? Did she actually just kiss me?’_ She only realized that her mouth was still hanging open in amazement when two fingers guided it back closed.

“What the hell?”

“Staying or leaving. What’s it going to be?”

“St-staying,” She uncharacteristically stammered out.

“Good.”

“Okay.”

There were a few seconds of awkward staring. Clarke’s confidence had run out now that she was actually getting ready to express how she felt. She hated talking about feelings, a trait that both her and Lexa shared. She rolled her eyes at herself. _‘Woman up and tell her how you feel.’_

“Lexa..”

“Clarke.”

“I just, I need you to know something. Can we please just talk? For real, you and me, no bad ass act. The real you, the real me. Please?”

At Clarke’s pleading, Lexa’s felt her heart clench. Is this what it had come to? God, her best friend had to beg her to talk? Her eyes softened.

“Yes, of course... I-I’m sorry Clarke. I know that I’ve been an asshole lately, especially to you and it was stupid and childish to act that way just because you don’t...” she let out a harsh breath. Damn feelings. “I’m sorry.”

“That’s not completely true..”

“I’m afraid I’m not following,” She said confused. What the heck about that wasn’t true?

“It’s not that I don’t feel something for you, Lex, because I do and I’ve felt it for a while now but the thing is I just wasn’t sure I was ready, you know? After everything that happened last year with Finn cheating and breaking my heart I didn’t really want to put myself back out there and take that chance of getting crushed all over again. But thinking about it, I really do want to take that chance with you. I mean if you still want to? Maybe, maybe not.  I don’t know I just thought you should know or something. And now I’m rambling so you should probably shut me up or I’m probably going to keep talking and I-..”

She was caught off from her nervous ramble with a quick kiss.

“Shut up,” she whispered. Their lips connected again and both of them lost their minds. They got lost in each other, and the gayness of it all just felt too damn good. After a few minutes, she pulled away. Both sets of lips were slightly swollen from the impromptu make out session that just occurred. It was Lexa who spoke first.

“So when you kissed me, that wasn’t...?”

“Wasn’t what?”

“That wasn’t you just trying to give me an incentive to stay?”

“Yes and no. But Lexa, I really did mean it.”

“And you really have feelings for me?”

“Yeah,” she said with a light blush and a small chuckle. “I really, really do.”

“Please don’t play pretend with me,” Lexa whimpered so pathetically that it tore a hole right through her heart. Clarke gently cupped her cheek and guided her face back up to gaze in her direction.

“I promise you that I’m not.”

The shy yet beaming smile she got in return was enough to melt her heart. It was then that Clarke realized that she would gladly do anything to keep being the reason Lexa ever smiled like that. Because seeing Lexa smile? That was a world wonder all in itself. Lexa leaned in and kissed her lips softly.

“I really, really do have feeling for you too, dork.”

Clarke smiled and pulled her in for a long, slow and sensual kiss. When she pulled away they were both breathless, though Clarke was a bit amused at the state she left the other girl in. Lexa seemed dazed. It was so cute that she had to kiss her again. They both smiled into it this time.

“Clarke?” She asked hesitantly.

“Yeah?”

“I want to clear something with you.” She was looking at the ground out of nervousness at first but regained her composure with a couple of deep breaths. She looked her dead in her eyes. “I never slept with those girls I was with after... I haven’t been with anybody in months. Hell, no kisses or anything like that. And every outing with a girl was on a strictly platonic level.”

“Lexa...”

“I know that I have a history of going through girls, but, Clarke, I-...” she swallowed nervously but forced herself to continue looking into blue eyes. She had to get this out. “I would never do that to you.”

“Lexa, the thought never crossed my mind.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I only said it that day because I was angry and so stupidly jealous. Besides, if you even think about it, I’ll kick your ass.”

At this Lexa laughed. “Please. As if you could.”

“Let’s not find out then, what do you say?”

Lexa smiled fondly. “I say… we won’t ever have to.”

Clarke rewarded her with another soft, sensual kiss. “Good, that’s what I like to hear.”

Lexa smiled and took another look at Clarke before smirking. “Wow so you finally use that stuff I got you and you’re wearing my clothes. You trying to impress me?”

She looked down at her shirt and indeed found it to be Lexa’s. She blushed and grumbled

“Oh shut up, Lexa” before turning completely around and walking away, leaving the other girl confused standing awkwardly by the front door. _‘Am I supposed to leave?’_

She didn’t have a chance to voice her confusion because Clarke popped her head around the corner. “You coming? I want to cuddle my girlfriend on the couch and watch movies.”

Lexa smiled and made her way to the couch because, honestly, who was she to disappoint?

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts? More works on the way if you guys want more. Currently writing four more LUL :D


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